


Too many chances

by agirlcalledbauki



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, Fix-It of Sorts, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Season/Series 15, Purgatory, Spoilers for Episode: s15e18 Despair, s15 e19 fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:06:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28072170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agirlcalledbauki/pseuds/agirlcalledbauki
Summary: 4 times Dean wanted to say "I love you" to Castiel, and one time where he finally does
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 122





	Too many chances

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kiraakitsune](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiraakitsune/gifts).



> Just a little something i wrote instead of doing college work. 
> 
> Thanks to @kiraakitsune for giving me the prompt :)




Purgatory is…it’s something else. It feels like a constant hunt, and as much as Dean enjoys it – he only got one thing on his mind: finding Castiel. Being the Most Wanted in Purgatory sure doesn’t help with his mission, but after a while he meets Benny and things start to look better. They slaughter their way through every monster that crosses their way, and Dean only asks one question: “Where’s the angel?”

It’s almost a surprise, when he finally gets an answer. Dean knows, he shouldn’t trust it easily, but his hope gets the better part of him. So he and Benny search for the stream and follow it for hours.

And there, sitting next to the flowing river, is Castiel. Part of Dean wants to yell at him, be angry, maybe even punch him – but for the most part, Dean is relieved. Cas is alive.

“Cas!”, Dean shouts, before quickly approaching the angel. And he says it once more when he is only a few feet away from him. “Cas”

Castiel looks shocked, his mouth slightly opened. It honestly looks adorable, and Dean can’t help but laugh. Still smiling, he pulls the angel into a tight hug.

 _I love him_ , he thinks and Dean frowns at the voice inside his head. His attraction to the other man isn’t new to him, but the L-word? There were only a few people in his life he had really loved, and he didn’t even tell most of them. So, when Dean finally pulls away, he keeps the thought to himself.

“Damn, it’s good to see you”, he says instead. “Nice peach fuzz”

Dean can’t help himself and brushes his finger against Castiel’s cheek. The touch is short, but his heart flutters for a moment. I really love him, Dean thinks again. But now is not the time.

* * *




There’s blood in his mouth, blood in his hair, blood in his mouth…just blood **everywhere.** But Cas doesn’t stop hitting him. Dean knows, it’s not really his Cas; that’s not really his best friend. But whenever he raises his head, the familiar face is there to deliver a new punch. And this hurts even more.

When Castiel finally stops for a moment, the angel blade raised high in the air, Dean finally finds his words again.

“We are family…We need you”

Dean wants to say it, it’s on the tip of his tongue. But he doesn’t. Cas is clearly not himself right now and telling him now seems like bad timing. So instead, he tells him something else. It is still true and hard to say, but Dean hopes it will snap Castiel out of his state.

“I need you”

Castiel pauses, the angel blade still in his hand. Their eyes finally meet, as the blade slips out of the angel’s hands and clatters on the ground. Only now, the pain finally hits Dean and he groans. His eyes are swollen, but he can’t oversee the angel tablet filling the room with a blinding light.

And then Castiel is reaching out for him again. Dean can’t help but feel afraid again, while calling out his name. But the angel just grips his cheek, healing him in the process. Castiel starts apologizing, as Dean looks at him with big eyes

“What the hell just happened?”

* * *




_She probably thinks we are on a date_ , Dean thinks to himself. He and Cas had stopped in a small diner in Idaho, only wanting to grab a bite before heading back home. There are only a few tables occupied and when they sit down, the waitress lights the candle in front of the hunters.

“How long are you two been together?”, she asks while handing out the menus. Dean almost chokes on his beer, but Castiel just gives the waitress a kind smile.

“10 years, next September”

It feels like yesterday, Dean thinks to himself, while he just orders a slice of apple pie. Castiel happily orders the same. They sit in silence for a while, but it’s not awkward. It’s the comforting kind of silence you only have with your loved ones. Dean looks over at the angels neatly folded hands on the table, and he must look away again. It would be too easy to just reach over and hold Castiel’s hand.

“Cas, I need to talk to you about something”, Dean suddenly hears himself say and bites his own lip in surprise. Castiel’s blue eyes turn to him, his face smiling kindly.

“This might sound crazy, but I love…”

“Here’s your pie!”

The voice of the waitress sounds shrill in the small diner and Dean actually jumps a little, when she appears at the table. She sets the single plate with pie in front of both of them, before giving each of the men a small fork.

“What did you want to say?”, Cas asks, as he lifts a forkful of pie.

“Nothing….”, Dean replies, already filling his mouth with dessert. _It’s nothing, Cas_. Dean thinks. _But you are my everything._

* * *




“I love you”, he hears Cas say and it feels like the world just stops. Billie is hammering at the door, and the floor shudders under Dean’s feet. Death is _literally_ knocking on their door, but Dean doesn’t care. Cas loves him.

“Don’t do this, Cas”

The words slip out of his mouth before he can stop them. Cas can’t leave him, not now. Not again. He wants to fling himself at the angel, hold him tight and say it back at him. Behind him, Dean can hear a sound and when he turns around, the black goo of the Empty already starts forming at the Wall. When he looks back at the angel, his hand reaches out and touches him at this shoulder. For a second, and Dean knows how foolish it is, he hopes for a kiss. Just one last kiss, now that they finally crossed the line of love declarations. But Castiel just looks at him. Tears are running down Castiel’s face, while the tears still pool up in Dean’s eyes. The door flings open and Billie stands in the doorway, ready to finally finish them.

“Goodbye Dean”, Castiel says, before he throws the hunter out of the way. Dean crashes against the cold wall. The angel still wears a smile, when the Empty curls around him and Billie, pulling them into the Wall.

And then it’s quiet.

All Dean can do is cry.

* * *

**\+ 1**

It’s been two months since Cas’s sacrifice and his love confession. Two awful months filled with alcohol, and tears, defeating god, and nearly getting impaled on a rusty nail. The stitch on Dean’s torso still hurts, where the nail grazed his left side open. Luckily, it had missed all important organs and Sam was able to rush him into the hospital for stitching. None of them want to mention it, but Jack is probably still looking out for them.

“Sammy? I don’t want to hunt anymore”, Dean says quietly, during his night in the hospital. His younger brother just nods and gives him a weak smile.

“What do you want to do?”, Sam asks. It’s quiet in the hospital room and Dean takes a deep breath. All his life, he was told what to do. First by his father and then later by defeating every monster and obstacle in their way. But now he is free. Free to do…what exactly? Dean swallows hard, before replying.

“I want… I want to work a normal job, maybe at the little garage outside town. I want to see the beach and - And I want you to call Eileen! I want to dance at your wedding and teach your kids how to ride bike.” Dean laughs a little now, before looking directly at his brother. “I just want to live!”

Sam smiles and Dean realizes, he owes his little brother at least some truth.

“And I want Cas back”

-

In the end, they just needed to pray. Turns out, Jack already saved Castiel from the Empty and they started rebuilding heaven together. And there he is, Castiel, angel of the fucking lord, just casually standing in their kitchen.

“Hello Sam, Dea-“

The angel can’t even finish his greeting, as Dean wraps him into a desperate hug. Dean doesn’t care about Sam or Jack watching them, as he holds Castiel even tighter and buries his nose in the trenchcoat.

“Hello Dean”, Castiel finally says, a smile in his voice. Dean could cry tears of happiness, but not now. He needs to say some stuff.

“I love you, too.”

The words sound muffled, but Castiel gasps slightly and Dean is sure, he must have heard them. Castiel’s arm feel stiff around his body, so Dean pulls slightly back and cups one of Cas’s cheeks with a hand. As their eyes meet, Dean can’t hold himself back.

“I love you. I love you. I lov-“

His words are cut off by Castiel’s lips on his and he tries to put all his unsaid words into the kiss. As they separate, a huge smile rests on the angel’s face.

“How long were you waiting to tell me that?”

Dean can’t help but laugh. “Oh Cas, you have no idea…”


End file.
